Making the Choice: Following Your Intuition or Your Family’s Opinion?

Letter #10 from The Intuitive Queen of The Intuition Empire

My Dear Intuitive Readers,

Happy 2025! After a 2-week holiday break from writing, I’m baaackkk!! I hope you and your loved ones all had a lovely end to the year. I know I did!

I wanted to pose a timely topic that I literally just experienced and maybe you did too, during the holiday season: Listening to Family vs. Your Intuition. What if your family (mother, father, sibling, or other relative) tells you something that is the opposite of what your intuition is telling you? Who do you listen to?

Sometimes when we are around our families of origin, we tend to listen to our elders or close relations—out of habit, out of respect, or out of falling into a familiar role. 

I speak of course, from personal experience.

I am a 52-year-old woman who writes a blog about following your intuition. So, you would think that having my 88-year-old mom to stay at my home for a week during Christmas would be no problem, right? It wouldn’t change me, right?

Wrong.

If you read my blog previously, you know that I made a solemn vow to myself to follow my intuition in all areas of my life. Things were going along swimmingly, until my mom came to stay with us for Christmas week.

The week started out so well. So, let me assure you, prior to my mother’s arrival, my intuition was spot on!

My 17-year-old son rode shotgun while I drove to Vestal, NY, on a Sunday. We only stopped once for food and fuel. We picked my mom up and drove back home to Delaware that same day. During the drive, my mother alternated between naps and talking for the 4 ½ hour trip and didn’t ask to stop once. Since it was mostly 9 degrees that day, she was decked out in more layers than a 7-layer cake.

Sitting in the front seat of my car, ensconced in her pink fur-line winter coat, with her hands in bright pink gloves, she lamented that last year she didn’t buy a pink scarf to go with her winter weather ensemble.

I smiled and said, “Yes, that’s too bad. You really do need a pink scarf.” 

And I silently thanked my intuition, because I knew, wrapped beneath the Christmas tree, in a small package with her name on it, was—you guessed it—a pink, infinity, Cuddl Duds scarf!

But gifts were not all I was right about. I knew that since I had to work right up until 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve, I had better have all my menu planned out for the week and all my grocery shopping done by the day before we picked up my mom. I had to cook her dinner every day, plus work, and then cook dinner for four people on Christmas Day and eight people on Boxing Day. 

The first day, my chili cheese dip in the crockpot, was a big success; and mom helped me bake Christmas cookies until 11 p.m. that night. On Christmas Eve, I woke up ready to take on the day and cook before logging into work. 

I consulted my carefully crafted holiday menu: loaded baked potato soup in the crock pot was on deck. Although my ex-husband had my two sons for Christmas Eve, I had to work until 4 p.m. and then my mom and I would meet them at an Christmas Eve party on the way to my son’s church choir performance at the Christmas Eve church service. The soup would cook itself in the crockpot while we were gone. I had visions of us returning home, and being met by the inviting smells of baked potatoes, cheese, and bacon wafting in my kitchen.

“Oh, no,” my mom admonished me as I set up my crockpot. “Don’t be silly. Don’t go to all that trouble for the two of us. I won’t need a big dinner.”

I tried to argue and pointed out that I had a feeling we would need this soup. But she dismissed my intuition and I acquiesced. I figured my mom intended to eat heartily at the Christmas Eve party.

My son Christian did just that; he had a pile of shrimp tails to prove it and ingested many a hot pretzel, cookies, and more. My mom on the other hand? She ate a paltry meal of exactly one Coke Zero and one shrimp! 

You heard me correctly....one! 

What about me, you ask? I wasn’t much better really. I was distracted by socializing. I ate four cheese and crackers, one pretzel, and two Coke Zeros. After church, my sons went home with their father. And my mom and me?

We went to the car and the first thing she said was, “Jenny, I’m hungry. Let’s go out to eat.”

“Mom, there is like no place in Milton open at this hour on Christmas Eve,” I said.

“You should have made that soup you told me about,” she said.

I sighed. Inside, I vowed to listen to my intuition the rest of her visit, despite her protestations. 

In the distance, I saw a bright light. Not of the Christmas star or an angel, but luckily for our empty bellies it was the soft glow of the Royal Farm gas station's sign, beckoning us to enter. You know, Royal Farms—the home of the world’s best chicken?

Yes, it’s true, we had a late Christmas Eve dinner from Royal Farms. I had a free two-piece meal (my birthday coupon on the app) and my mom ordered two hot dogs and fries. 

And later, as I sat at home eating this gluttonously unhealthy chicken, I wished that I had listened to my intuition instead of listening to my mother.

The next day's food went better. We had a delicious Christmas meal of lasagna, stuffed mushrooms, speidies, rolls, Oreo cookie cake, and blueberry crisp.

After our company left, we were stuffed and exhausted. We were trying to hold off opening any presents until December 26, Boxing Day, when my sons returned home. 

I turned to my mom and asked why she hadn’t gotten into her pjs like I had so she could be cozy and relax.

My mom gazed enviously at my favorite blue Cuddl Dud pajamas and responded, “I don’t have any. I really wish I had pjs like yours.”

I said, “Lucky for you, Santa came, and he insisted that you open this present tonight,” and handed her an early Christmas gift. 

What was inside? Cuddl Dud PJs of course! Astounded, because she didn’t tell me ahead that she even wanted any pajamas (let alone the same brand as mine), she happily put them on, and they fit.

I hadn’t asked her what she wanted for Christmas; I just listened to the little voice inside of me and let it be my guide. This positive turn of events reminded me that good things happen when I listen to my intuition. 

That Friday, the boys and I took my mom to Rehoboth Beach to the boardwalk. While interested, she kept asking to go to Chick-fil-A and she told us she refused to eat until we went there. 

I assured her we would take her to Chick-fil-A after I showed her the ocean and had her taste the famous Thrasher fries with vinegar. She protested, saying it would ruin her appetite for Chick-fil-A and she’d only eat one French fry. Well, you know the rest of the story. She ate not one, or two, but an entire bag of fries! She had no regrets and still had room for Chick-fil-A!

The next day we took her to Cape Henlopen State Park. I told her she should see the beach there in Lewes. Although she'd already seen the ocean in Rehoboth the day before, and the walkway in Cape Henlopen State Park was quite long for her, I had a feeling she would love the view.

Mom said she'd seen the ocean in Rehoboth the day before. However, with some prompting and encouragement I finally coaxed her out of the car and walked her down the walkway. Well, when my son and I got her out there, she didn’t want to leave.

The joy in her eyes! My mom said it was her favorite beach and that she wished it was warm so we could stay. As she looked wistfully out at the ocean, I couldn’t help but wish that we could stay longer or that my mom lived closer so that she could go there with me all the time. Only the rain finally made us head back to the car.

On the walk back, I remembered the last time I went to that beach this past July and how breathless I was. In that moment, I felt so truly grateful that I am healthy and strong now. I was also grateful in that moment that my mom, using a cane, and unsteady on her feet—could lean on me for support.

It is hard to listen to our intuition when our parents or other relatives are around. We often revert to old patterns, old ways, and listen to them out of respect instead of listening to our own intuition.

Trust me, while it isn’t easy to listen to our inner voice instead of theirs...it is possible!

My intuitive Christmas gifts were a small positive win. The soup mistake? Not so bad in the scheme of things and we laughed about it after.

But there have been times when it was hard to stand up to my parents and there was much more at stake during those times than a Christmas Eve meal.

Once, when my oldest son Colin was 3-years-old, my dad and his wife visited me in Fairfax, Virginia, to take me out to dinner. My father looked me in the eye and handed me a copy of a magazine. It had a boy with Autism on the front. He told me to accept that my son, Colin, would never talk again. 

My dad said, “Take the technical writing manager job your company offered you, and the raise, and then hire a maid to watch your son. Just focus on your career.”  

The problem was my intuition was telling me that my dad and all the doctors who wanted me to give up on my son—were wrong. 

So, I looked my father in the eye and said, “No. I don’t care what the magazine says. You are wrong. He will talk again. I will prove it.” 

Even though it was hard to go against what my dad and others were telling me, I just knew I had to follow my intuition. I had to stand up to him despite him being my father.

Not too long after that I found the courage to stand up to him once again. 

That time, I was in Winchester, Virginia, at a hotel, the night before my Praxis Core Writing exam at Shenandoah University. I was taking Praxis exam to get my conditional teaching license and become a 9th grade English Special Education teacher. 

I called my dad that evening, and for the first time in my life, I asked him for an apology. I told him I remembered all the abuse I suffered as a child. I asked him to admit it and to apologize or I couldn’t be in his life. He denied ever hurting me, abusing me. And in a shaky voice that was uncharacteristic for him, he told me that I sounded crazy.

I told him that, in fact, I was perfectly calm and that at his age, if he would not admit fault and apologize, he had no hope to change. I said it wasn’t too late for me. I said I could not figure out what was wrong with me and get help while he continued to verbally abuse me, and I didn’t want him around my son either. I disowned him and told him I was going to figure out what was wrong with me and find out how to get better.

I didn’t talk to him for seven years. I knew I needed peace and time away from him to heal, so I followed my intuition and was able to find the strength to get sober in that time and to go to counseling. I took that time to recover and to heal. 

And seven years later, I was able to forgive him, despite his lack of an apology, and make my amends to him for my part. He and his wife came out to West Virginia where we were then living, to visit me and my three sons. My oldest son, Colin, walked up to him, hugged him, and talked to him. And my dad smiled and looked at me and told me I had done a good job. 

It was his way of saying I was right. It was my dad's way of saying that he was glad that I didn’t listen to him all those years prior.

And the years that followed—2010 to 2015, when he passed away—were the most normal years between me and my dad. We had an almost normal, albeit long distance, relationship as daughter and dad. It was a gift of sobriety, of me taking time to heal, and of me following my intuition.

So, if you make a commitment to following your intuition, beware: there will always be people who tell you not to listen to your inner voice. Even if they are your family, and even if they are older than you, it doesn’t mean that they have the answers. Your answers can be found within.

Despite them loving you, some people in your own family may just want to control you and your decisions. Some of them will protest and won’t believe in your intuition. It can be very challenging to listen to your inner voice, when your parents, older siblings, or other relatives tell you that you are wrong!

But what if I hadn’t listened to my inner voice?

Would Colin be talking? Would I have taken the time away from the verbal abuse to heal, get sober, and learn how to set healthy boundaries to protect myself and my children? 

I guess you know the answer to that.

Enough of listening to me. The next time you are around your extended family, listen carefully and see if your inner voice is telling you something that they disagree with. And please, remember this blog—and know—that ultimately, no matter who you decide to listen to, the choice is yours! 

Until next week!

Love,

Jenn, The Intuitive Queen of The Intuition Empire (aka Jennifer R. Young, Jenn 2.0, fully oxygenated)

Songs I listened to when I wrote this blog:

1.        “Edelweiss,” by Christopher Plummer

2.        “In Your Eyes,” by Peter Gabriel

3.        “Accentuate the Positive,” by Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters